Cosplay, for those of you who don’t know, is “short for “costume play”, a type of performance art whose participants outfit themselves, with often-elaborate costumes and accessories, as a specific character. Characters are usually sourced in various media, including manga, anime, tokusatsu, comic books, graphic novels, video games, and fantasy movies.”  Now when it comes to a beautiful young woman dressing up as a character I’ve grown to love, I’m all for it.  I’m even okay with a gym-mongrel who has spent the better part of his life working out in order to mask himself as his favorite character from whatever realm he chooses.  What I am not cool with, is an unattractive person dressing up in anything aside from sweatpants or a tarp, and going out in public screaming for attention, especially in an area where we, the innocent masses, can’t help but see them.  This should help clear things up:

Now, some of you may be thinking, “but Mr. Wolff, that’s not so bad!”  Okay.  Fine.  The large man in the Sailor Moon outfit, could be construed as funny and not to offensive.  I can see why you’d think that.  But have you any ideas what it leads to?  Let me show you…

Don’t worry, women are just as bad, if not worse, than men:

I hope you can understand now.  Do you see what not-so-offensive-fat-sailor-moon man can lead us to?!  Sure, we laugh and chuckle at the obvious irony, but there are those who don’t!  There are humans among us who leave their homes thinking abominable arrangements of cloth that vaguely represent their heroes in color and placement upon the body is enough!  It is not enough!  Cosplay is NOT for everyone!  It is a commitment to the character involving training and shapeliness where appropriate!  You don’t get to wake up one day and say, “Gee, I think today I’m Wonder Woman!”  NO!  She’s an AMAZONIAN GODDESS YOU FOOL!  Are YOU in shape like an AMAZOINAN GODDESS?!  I DIDN’T THINK SO!!

As I write this, my heart is racing and I feel an urgency at the tips of my fingers as if somewhere, an overweight, under-sunned,  gap-toothed, overly-hairy, cankled beast dressed as Super Girl has just killed a child by merely making itself visible.  Damn you poorly-costumed villain.  Damn you to Cosplay Hell…

I’m sorry.

Fear not my friends.  All is not lost.  There are those among us who stay true to character and refuse to compromise the improbable figures of ficticious characters.  Villainess or superhero, these players represent what is good for all of us — and now that you’ve tasted the bitter, you may sip of the sweet:

Well that’s it for today.  I know my words were few and my pics were many, but sometimes, that’s you can’t explain evil to people — you have to show them.

Mr. Wolff

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