Sgt. Angle reporting for duty!

Here’s a quick one before I head to war for the week, about to battle strange new lands and prepare defenses for any kind of invasion or threat which may arise. At any time. You can never have too much duct tape and gun parts.

War aside, I now present you my top movie list for the last decade (2000 — 2009). I’ve seen all I can, and all I want to see, and so, here we go, top fifteen movies of the aughts, in chronological order: (each received five rifles, you should know)

1. Wonder Boys — Seldom seen tale of a pot-smoking English professor and his troubled student. Robert Downey, Jr., in one of his constantly quirky roles, co-stars.

2. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban — I could say the entire series should be on the list, but I’d be lying (Chris Columbus has not the directing skills of Alfonso Cuaron). This installment is the finest example of a director’s interpretation entirely changing the way you see the world. Also, written by Steve Kloves, who wrote Wonder Boys!

3. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring — Again, the finest, in my opinion, of the series, this film sets the stage for the trilogy while telling an entirely confined adventure story in its’ own time. All acting top notch, and Viggo Mortensen plays a grungy warrior like no one since myself.

4. The Royal Tenenbaums — A late edition to my list, RT represents the pinnacle of Wes Anderson’s career. Gene Hackman is hilarious and even touching as a family patriarch trying to win back the hearts of his children. Gwyneth Paltrow is also tolerable, for a change.

5. Amelie — A visual stunner from visionary Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Amelie is a treasue hunt disguised as a love story, and Audrey Tautou plays the kind of lady you can’t help fall in love with. The color scheme is something dreams have borrowed from.

6. Talk To Her — Spanish director Pedro Almodovar’s masterpiece, this is a hugely dramatic film about love and loss, as two stories — a male nurse and his coma patient, a female matador and sensitive reporter — intertwine and show us the extents and limits of unrequited love. Touching, humorous, and vibrant.

7. The Dark Knight — People can argue for Batman Begins or Tim Burton’s adaptation all they want to, but The Dark Knight changed superhero movies from something cartoon to something real. Heath Ledger provides us with a look at a madman that is scarier than venturing through your grandma’s mental ward, and the tense, Heat-inspired opening is ripe for repeated viewings, the single-note rhythm of the opening theme scratching your every nerves, just like I just scratched this python off my leg like a fruit fly.

8. In America — I’m a sentimental freak for family stories such as this. Paddy Considine plays a devoted father and family man who blames himself for his young son’s death as they move to America in the 80s. Roughly based on director Jim Sheridan’s actual experiences, you will get some chills or even choke up as he plunks down his last wages to win an ET doll for his daughter at a carnival game. Gorgeous filmmaking on all levels.

9. City of God — The twisting crime tale, based on actual events, that helped director Fernando Meirelles explode onto the scene (he eventually directed The Constant Gardener). Seems like a Scorsese inspired microcosm of crime in Rio de Janeiro, but the story is much more about basic survival than anything else. Visually thrilling, at times dizzy and dazzling.

10. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — How can you not love this film? It’s a romance, it’s a drama, it’s a comedy, and it’s full of science fiction ideas. Charlie Kaufman’s writing has never been better, as he paints characters who are as exciting to us as they are to each other. We want them to succeed, but we’re okay if they don’t. That’s good filmmaking, when you just know the outcome will keep your characters safe, if nothing else.

11. Pan’s Labyrinth — Guillermo del Toro almost lost his journal and notes for this film in a cab until the driver somehow found him and mailed everything back. Thank goodness he did, otherwise we would not have seen this brand new world just on the other side of our own, in a young girl’s imagination (or is it? discuss below). Arguably the best film of its’ year, Pan’s Labyrinth is a great blend of imagination and realism, and there’s even a hell of a gunfight.

12. Zodiac — David Fincher’s recreation of San Francisco in the late 60s / early 70s with an HD camera and green screen manages to make this movie look somehow dated, and the dialogue heavy story of the Zodiac killer’s reign of terror only helps place it as if the film was made in that era. Mark Ruffalo’s hair has never been better, Jake Gyllenhaal has never whined so much, and Anthony Edwards has never had sushi. Also, there’s Robert Downey, Jr. Sold.

13. Hot Fuzz — I’m biased towards this one for personal reasons, nevertheless, Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s writing is spot on, parodying the buddy cop comedy genre to a T. In the DVD commentary, Wright comments that they researched over 120 action or cop films and tried to make even the slightest reference to every one of them. If not only the amount of detailed research involved, the film is also a good story, well-told, with some amazingly funny scenes that never cease to cause a chuckle.

14. UP — Good filmmaking strikes your heart, from Pixar, of course, and Up proves that old characters still have a home in cinema, as long as their characters have a place to get to. The first ten minutes alone should get your tear ducts pumping, and your heart beating. The rest of the time, you’re in it for the ride.

15. The Hurt Locker — Thrill-a-minute look at the adrenaline drug known as war, Jeremy Rennar plays a bomb diffuser in Iraq who plays the risks and likes to bet his life on cutting the right wire, no matter how many guns are firing around him. Kathryn Bigelow directs the best movie of 2009, swirling the sandy landscape of Iraq around the viewer entirely, disorienting us enough to not trust anyone on screen, and not know when a bomb might blow up in our faces.

Happy hunting.

Sgt. Angle