Sgt. Angle reporting for duty!

Well rested and faith in humanity reassured by Mr. Wolff’s cunning attitude, I am back with a vengeance to encourage faithful readers and watchers of the night to take part in a tradition sweeping the cinemas of our nation, namely, beer and a movie month — January.

February is filled with lovey-dovey date movies, June — August is a hat trick of summer blockbusters, sex, violence, and popcorn munching, while the latter months of the year for American film-goers inspires creativity and intellectualism in the best of us, a sugar-coated safety net for the rest of us. January is typically relegated to a “month of dead weight” in movies, a time stuck between the glory of award-winning masterpieces (Avatar, Precious) and gobbledygook kid movies (Hotel for Dogs, Paul Blart: Mall Cop).

Two years ago, while on leave from a herpes-ridden war-torn state, I ventured into the wild-blue-mist of a cinema near me, complete with a six-pack of PBR (award-winning, no matter what century) and a mind raging for blood. I sat in a sold-out theater at a midnight showing of RAMBO, Stallone’s return to the character who could kill Rocky in a fist fight with the guns AKA arms. Sucking down can after can of PBR I realized, sure, I’m not supposed to be doing this, but Rambo shouldn’t be tearing a dude’s throat out with his bare hands. Let’s live a little.

2009 brought us Liam Neeson shooting old friends and kicking new enemies in the balls, and with him the fine tradition of Samuel Adams Winter Lager. Such sweet tastes on my tongue, and bitter regard for the human race.

This year, we have a few choices for Beer at the Movies January. So grab a six-pack and enjoy:

The Book of Eli. Might be a bit depressing to be guzzling hops while watching an apocalyptic future, but the Hughes Brothers directed this film, their first since From Hell many year ago, so the visions within might just save your taste buds for the coming End of Days.

Edge of Darkness. Mel Gibson is back as a Boston cop investigating the murder of his daughter. Hard-boiled kick-assery is ignited, as is can number two of your PBR six-pack.

Legion. Paul Bettany, heavenly Bettany, is a priest who betrays church law to track down vampires who killed his niece…no, that’s not right. That’s actually the summary of his next film, PRIEST. Actually, in LEGION, Bettany drops down to earth as an archangel to save mankind from God’s wrath. Again, spray your foamy PBR can across the aisles along with the blood of old ladies.

Youth in Revolt. How can you watch Michael Cera and not laugh a little inside, also feel awkward that you are laughing WITH Michael Cera instead of AT him? In YIR, Cera devises a plan with his alter ego to lose his virginity, because for teens in America there is no finer past-time. Other than swigging your brew, of course.

Daybreakers. Vampires rule the world — but only for another month unless they find a cure for the bloody blues. Ethan Hawke stars, and Sam Neill creeps like a raptor. Try to shotgun your bevvy before the blood starts to spill.

For your last can of delicious beverage, we’re going off the board for a moment to a movie I’ve just discovered, and you  should drink to the title alone: Chance pe Dance. Step Up 3D has nothing on the pe Dance.

Until next time, FilmSoldiers. Rifles out!

Sgt. Angle