3D — Here and (Hopefully) Gone Again
Sgt. Angle Reporting for Duty!
As the year 2010 finally wraps up, we should take a moment to review what’s come before, in the hopes to change what might soon be.
Thanks to Avatar’s monstrous haul in late 2009, we are going to have a continuous barrage of 3D movies in release for a good few years, and they’ll hopefully go the way of the dodo bird before they cycle back in another decade or so. Perhaps by then Johnny Depp will grow a set of cajones large enough to say “no” to Tim Burton when the likes of Alice in Wonderland rears its’ ugly head.
3D I can support.
Don’t get me wrong, I have virtually no problem with cartoons, or movies like How to Train Your Dragon or Toy Story 3, arriving in 3D to wow the different parts of your eyes. But when that third dimension is added in post, months after filming, you get a chop-chopped version of “reality” such as Clash of the Titans or The Last Airbender.
The post-conversion process, otherwise known as Stereoscopy, is a late addition to cinematic technology, wherein the movie is not filmed in 3D but is filtered and adjusted after editing is complete. James Cameron has spoken out against this process, rather harshly, as it defeats the general purpose of a 3D film.
Other films use 3D incorrectly, more as a gimmick rather than a storytelling tool. Avatar’s use of 3D, believe it or not, only helped the otherwise flimsy story and script. The world was given depth and originality, and we were immersed within that world. Unlike, say, Step Up 3D where we’re almost kicked in the face by dancing, people’s body parts flying at the screen in an attempt to make an impact where, emotionally, there is otherwise nothing to write home about.
Or how about Piranha 3D, a gluttonous, over-reaching, gross insult to a sense of humor that plays up the very same gimmicks that any 3D film has to offer, only to end up lost and confused, not knowing if it wanted to be a horror flick or a comedy spoof.
Full credit is due to sometime-hack Paul W.S. Anderson, whose sequel number… whatever… Resident Evil: After Life, was filmed using the same kinds of cameras that Cameron developed for Avatar. Even the ads made a big deal that Resident Evil used the same technology developed by Cameron.
She’s falling on ME. in 3D!
To skip to the essentials of this post, 3D is becoming the death of the movie-going experience and needs to stop. Ticket prices get jacked $3 a pop for 3D films (theaters will claim it’s to cover the cost of the glasses and the technology to project the movies, studios will say that the extra cost covers the camera or the conversion processes), the post-conversion process leads to horrendous assaults on the eyes, and storytelling generally suffers (okay, so Toy Story 3 had a great story, but also had the Pixar factor).
But fret not, strange fans of a 3rd dimension on the big screen. Next year, we’re in store for these wonderful peaches:
XXX: The Return of Xander Cage
Green Hornet
Sanctum
Justin (EFFING) Beiber
Drive Angry
Mars Needs Moms!
Sucker Punch!
Rio
Thor
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Green Lantern
The Smurfs
The Threee Musketeers
You are dismissed and are NOT required to see any of the above mentioned movies!
Sgt. Angle
