Posts Tagged ‘Angelina Jolie’

Sexy Women — Strong Heroines?

Sgt. Angle reporting for duty!

This weekend, most everyone in the USA and the world got to see Robert Downey, Jr. and Don Cheadle whip some ass in Iron Man 2. But what also graced the screen was the eyeful of deliciousness Scarlett Johansson in a skin-tight black uniform as she twirled and drop-kicked a hallway full of bad guys.

She is watching you watching her…

The sexy action girl is nothing new to cinema — Halle Barry did tried it a few years back with Catwoman; Angelina Jolie nailed it with Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and Ann Perillaud perhaps started it all (thanks to Luc Besson’s imagination) in Le Femme Nikita. Since the early ‘90s, sexy women with big boots, big guns, and the flexibility of Gumby’s younger self have taken cinematic screens by storm. One needs only to think of Catherine Zeta Jones (whatever happened to her?) easing her tight body through the red laser sensors in Entrapment…where was I? Are these “strong” characters, or simply sexy women who can maneuver their bodies to seduce you into falling in front of their bullets?

For a strong female role, one would look most naturally towards a Katherine Hepburn character (Bringing Up Baby, Adam’s Rib) or Meryl Streep or Ellen Burstyn or Diane Keaton. A woman who is as smart as the man, a woman who is even in control of every event unfolding whether we know it or not. Strong women know what they want, or if they don’t, they have a strong motivation for remaining unsure. Oh, and they can control the hell out of a scene.

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For the action-oriented women, a strong role one should always refer to is Ellen Ripley, of the Alien franchise. For a role originally written for a man, Sigourney Weaver took the depth of the character to new heights. She is a woman in a man’s world, she doesn’t emanate sexuality, and she can kick ass while getting the job done. She doesn’t need skin tight dresses, high heels, or nudity to show that she is a strong woman. She uses her smarts and her skills, NOT her sexuality.

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Not that there’s a problem with women who use sexuality as a means to an end. But it is becoming too large of a crutch.

Sarah Connor, of the Terminator franchise (hmm, yet another written by James Cameron…) is also an example of a strong woman, a bad-ass who doesn’t thrust sexuality in our faces as a means to get what she wants. Sarah is a pawn in her own fate, and the fate of the world, and rather than succumb to the helpless situation of defeating a machine that will not stop, she fights, sometimes brutally.

A woman who fights is not necessarily a strong female, but a woman who fights with a greater purpose, an honorable purpose, is much more powerful.

And then you have women like Leeloo (Milla Jovovich) in The Fifth Element, who runs around in the movie mostly in little to no clothing. But her innocence as a character, as a being who rarely exists, is enough to overthrow the overt sexuality in the character and bring her to a new level, a respectable level of a person lost in a conflict, unaware of her surroundings.

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In The Matrix, Carrie Ann Moss opens the entire series in a skintight black leather suit, kicks ass using back flips and forward flips, shot in cool matrix-cam slow-mo, then casually leaves the room. The rest of her time in the overall story is spent looking cool within the matrix, and appearing to be innocent and “just” sexy on the ship. As a character, she is a freedom fighter, but as a movie presence, she is eye candy. Just like Monica Belluci was in her few seconds of screen time.

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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. The female Indiana Jones, some might say. Tight shirts, highlighted curves, oozing with sexuality as she climbs a rope or flips into a secret passageway. Like her character in Wanted, Jolie simply overflows with sexuality, such that any hope of character development or interation is entirely lost. Look at her in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, yet again, for evidence that her own sexuality is her only weapon. Again, it’s not necessarily a weak thing for a woman to use sex to get past obstacles. It’s just a crutch, one used far too often these days.

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In The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Lisbeth does, at one point, use sex as a defense mechanism, as a weird way of putting up a wall between her and a guy that she likes. But it works, only because we see her use sex in a much more cruel way as a defense against abuse. Her motivations are set up, and her experiences — as we’ve seen them — make the use of sex understandable and a part of her character, not just eye candy on the silver screen.

She will not sex you up. Only mess you up.

And what do all these lovely ladies bring us to? I would say the hybrid, the woman we saw this weekend. ScarJo played  the Black Widow, and fights in the ultra sexy body suit, using moves that would make a gymnast cringe. And she does it all without seducing, without thrusting cleavage in our faces (make no mistake, there is cleavage, there is an amazing body, but her body is not the weapon, nor is she trying to seduce anyone). One could chalk this up to Scarlet’s screen presence, or lack thereof, but I think she’s smarter than that.

I guess I’m just making the case that we don’t need a woman who looks good and uses herself just because she looks good. I’d rather a woman be a fighting machine and oh, by the way, she looks great, too, rather than “let’s try to bang her and hope that she can fight, too”.

A woman with a gun is a powerful woman, and can give you a sexy look, but a woman with only her fists who doesn’t waste time looking you up and down is a much more confident, stronger, and powerful woman.

What do you think? What makes a strong female character to you, either in action films or in other films? Sound back below, privates!

You are dismissed!

Sgt. Angle

Hump Day Rant: Catwoman

In case you didn’t know, Halloween is around the corner.  Companies everywhere are throwing out darker marketing designs, pumpkin flavored whatevers, or spook-tastic experiences — even blogs are caught up in the costumed madness with every other one highlighting something between “The Worst Joker Costmes Ever” and “100 Best Pumpkin Carvings.”  I’ve racked my enormous and beautiful mind for days trying to figure out exactly what my 2009-Blog-Before-Halloween would be and you know what I figured out?  Nothing.  Most things have been said, done or written almost as good as I could do already.  So, in keeping with the popular-costume model, while rubbing shoulders with the comics and/or pop culture design of this site I present to you a little nugget on one of the greatest villains of all time: Catwoman.

Yes, please.

Yes, please.

The great Bob Kane and one of his cohorts, Bill Finger, created the whip-bearing cat-burglar in Spring of 1940 as an antithesis for Batman, though at that time she was known only as The Cat.  The chemistry between the beautiful putty-tat and the campy man-bat was instant and has endured through time to represent true love on opposite sides of the law.  Catwoman was ranked #11 in IGN’s Top 100 Comic Book Villains Of All Time List as well as #51 on Wizard magazine’s “100 Greatest Villains of All Time” list.

I could go into the mysterious amnesia/flight attendant/prostitute/abused history of Catwoman, but that wouldn’t be much of a rant now, would it?  So instead, I’m going to focus on two things here: First and foremost I would like to address the unfounded and hopeful rumors that Catwoman will be a player in the next installment of Nolan’s Batman series.  Second, I hope to give some advice to the would-be pussycat theives creating a costume for a party in the upcoming weekend.

Catwoman = sexuality.  There is no way to get around that fact.  If Catwoman isn’t hot then she’s not Catwoman.  Now, in the Adam West TV series, Catwoman was played by three lovely ladies:  Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, and Eartha Kitt.  Each of them bringing a little something special to the role but all of them making pants tight for the male demographic.  I know that there is more to the woman than a pair of gigantic, enormous and well proportioned high heels; she is also very smart, physically in tip-top shape and damaged goods to the FUBAR degree.  That’s right, if you’re going to play her right you better be mentally unstable and all flavors of crazy because the Catwoman we all love is nowhere near normal.

Julie

Julie

Lee

Lee

Eartha

Eartha

Let’s do a quick comparison, shall we?  Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry?  If you said Halle Berry then you should go watch Monsters Ball until you masturbate to death.  For those of us with taste who said Pfeiffer, let’s find out why…  Catwoman the movie sucked, but I’m going to attempt comparing only the characters so bear with me.  Pfeiffer was absolutely bat-shit (pun intended) out of her mind.  She loved Bruce Wayne, she lusted for Batman, she wore a fantastically redesigned vinyl costume and seemed to know she was nuts.  Berry wasn’t even Selina Kyle (tsk-tsk), thought she was cool, not crazy, and had absolutely no interaction with Batman whatsoever.  Okay, so maybe I can’t do a fair character-to-character comparison without the movies getting involved, but hopefully you picked something out of that metaphorical mess.  The point is this: To be Catwoman you have to be more than sexy, you have to be nuts.  That’s it.  Don’t try to be sexy like Halle Berry is sexy (and for the record, she is sexy), but sexy like Rose Mcgowan is sexy — the kind of sexy that you would never ever hang out with, the kind of sexy that makes you nervous and the kind of sexy that would burn down and Abercrombie and Fitch store out of sheer boredom.

Who do I think should be Catwoman if Nolan uses her?  For years I’ve been in the Jolie camp, but that’s the problem: it’s been years.  Angelina is getting older and while I still wouldn’t kick her out of bed, I’m not sure she has quite the required sexiness to pull off Catwoman.  Though, I’ll be the first to admit she’s got crazy down…

I saw this in Tijuana...

I saw this in Tijuana…

I’ve been hearing rumors that Megan Fox wants a piece of this action as well.  My response?  No f*cking way.  You have to be a lot more than beautiful to play Catwoman with any sort of chutzpah — you have to be an actress.  Megan Fox is not an actress.  She’s played Shia’s girlfriend and a boy-eating demon, which is kind of the same thing anyways…  Megan would make a great piece of art because art doesn’t talk, move, make sounds or change.  From what I can tell (here, here, and here) Megan Fox is a lucky piece of gutter trash with a pretty face who happened to be in the right place at the right time.  She also has nice legs.  And boobs.  And butt.

Model?  Maybe.  Actress?  HAHAHA...

Model? Maybe. Actress? HAHAHA…

So what we need is an actress who can act, play crazy, be hot, and show proper respect to one of the greatest female characters ever created.  How about these?

I know she's already Black Widow, but would it suck to see here it tight black outfits twice?

I know she’s already Black Widow, but would it suck to see here it tight black outfits twice?

Hey look!  She aleaready has the outfit!

Hey look! She aleaready has the outfit!

Give her a whip and leave us alone...

Give her a whip and leave us alone…

Or poison Ivy...

Or poison Ivy…

If she laid there for the whole movie dressed in black, it would be fine.

If she laid there for the whole movie dressed in black, it would be fine.

Now for the second (and more pertinent) order of business:  Dressing up like Catwoman this year.  If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written on this site then you know how I feel about cosplay, but as a refresher here is my motto:  If you can then do, if you can not then don’t try.  So here are three simple rules to keep your disguise from suck:

1.  If you don’t look like Selina Kyle you won’t look like Catwoman. I’m sorry to those of you with more body than an F-150 but you need to hear this from someone: Catwoman isn’t fat.  If you weigh anything starting with the number two or higher then you shouldn’t be doing this.  Instead, why don’t you go out dressed as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, then we all win.

Don't make this real...

Don’t make this real…

Better for chub-chubs.

Better for chub-chubs.

2. Be Catwoman, not a cat. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen.  Some slutty sorostitute throws on a kitty costume with less matrial than her lingerie and walks around with a whip calling herself “Catwoman.”  No.  Catwoman is not a slut — we wish she was, but she’s not.  Be sexy, not stupid.

Cat.  Woman.  Lame.

Cat. Woman. Lame.

Catwoman.  Awesome.

Catwoman. Awesome.

3. Play the f*cking part! You’ve got the body, you’ve got the outfit, now act like it godammit!  Be nutty, say things that make the room go quiet!  Scratch girls’ boyfriends!  Bend over for no reason at all and by the end of the night steal something!  You’re f*cking Catwoman!

Freaky = Magnificent.

Freaky = Magnificent.

That’s it kids.  Have fun this weekend.  Don’t be safe and above all get some “treats.”  And as a final guideline for you Catwomen out there, if some stupid b*tch gets up in your face ’cause your in character and she’s a hoe, SLAP HER!  Catwoman is many things but one thing she’s not is a pussy.

Mr. Wolff