Good Morning Semantinkers!

First, I want to say how excited I am about our first trade paperback, MYTHOI Book 1: Birth being released tomorrow! It looks great, and for those who have ordered your copy, you will not be disappointed. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s move on shall we? The other night I was reading through my STARMAN omnibi (I think thats the plural of omnibus) and came across the magnificent HELLBOY/BATMAN/ STARMAN crossover at the end of omnibus #4. I know what you are thinking, “Why were you reading STARMAN again? You read that book too much!” Well let me just say that some books are always going to kick ass, no matter how many times you read them (like, oh, say MYTHOI). However, I digress. Reading the crossover got me to thinking about how much I used to really love the inter-company crossover event, so today I am going to share my favorite crossover books.

Hellboy/Batman/ Starman: This crossover is just straight up fun. James Robinson (writer of STARMAN at the time) wrote this two-parter, with Mike Mignola (HELLBOY creator) providing the art. If you love angry ancient gods, witty dialogue, mystically powered super-Nazis, moody art, towns with large telescopes pointed at them, or random super-teamups, then you should definitely give this book a look.

Spider-man/ Batman: To be fair, I haven’t read this book in a few years, but I have fond memories of it. THere were actually two SPIDERMAN/ BATMAN crossovers that I know of, but the one that I am speaking of here was titled “Disordered Minds” and featured Spidey and Bats taking on The Joker and Carnage. The creative team was J.M. DeMatteis and Mark Bagley (who really should be considered as one of the seminal SPIDER-MAN artists). At the time I thought this one was dark and moody and cool. I’m afraid if I go back and re-read it I will be disappointed.

X-Men/ Teen Titans: This comic actually got me into X-men and the Teen Titans as a kid (well this and the “Pryde of the X-men” cartoon I got from Pizza Hut with Aussie Wolverine). Chris Claremont channeled his inner Marv Wolfman (TEEN TITANS writer at the time) and the always amazing Walt Simonson made both teams look amazing. This was a case of two books in their prime meshing perfectly. Darkside hunting for the phoenix force? Awesome. Wolverine vs. Deathstroke? Whatever is better than awesome, that’s what it was. Today, the book is somewhat dated, but still a fun and nostalgic read.

WildC.A.T.s/ Aliens: This one gets a mention for the sheer fact that I can’t think of another crossover that actually led to proper comic book continuity being effected. In the story (penned by Warren Ellis with art by Chris Sprouse), Aliens wind up on the Stormwatch space station and wreck house, only to be stopped by the WildC.A.T.s . Without this crossover, we never would have gotten THE AUTHORITY. So thank you Aliens, without your acid blood and face-hugging love, we might never have gotten one of the greatest comics of the last 20 years.

Batman/ The Darkness: You might notice that there are a ton of Batman-centric crossovers on this list. Why? Because they just seem to be the best. Deal With it. This one makes the list because David Finch and Marc Silvestri both draw a crazy good Batman AND an even better Darkness. The story is “meh” (Jeph Loeb and Scott Lobdell aren’t Alan Moore) but damn is it pretty.

Batman/ Planetary: Probably the best book on the list. This one shot from the regular PLANETARY team of Warren Ellis and John Cassaday chasing after a guy who can’t control his rather violent ability to change reality around himself. The hunt happens in Gotham City, so when the reality shifting guy starts to freak out and change reality, we get to see the Planetary team square off against several versions of Batman, including “Dark Knight Returns” Bats, “Adam West” Bats, and super-futuristic Batman. This is actually still available in the PLANETARY trade “Crossing Worlds”, so pick this up if you get a chance.

Spawn & Cerebus: Macabre and magnificent all at once, this special early issue of spawn was actually guest written by CEREBUS creator Dave Sim. In the book, Cerebus shows Spawn the “Hell of Comic Book Characters”. It’s basically a poke at Marvel and DC, but how can you go wrong with a Sim/ Todd McFarlane team up?

Superman/ Muhammad Ali: This isn’t really an inter-company crossover so much as an inter-awesome crossover. Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams (heavyweights in their own right) put together this titanic tale of triumph. The art is beautiful, and some of the script must have been written by Ali himself (“It’s the sweet Science, and I’m the professor!” “Im gonna whup him and spank him!”).  If you ever get a chance to check this one out, do yourself a favor and do so.

That’s it for today folks. If I missed your favorite crossover, please share! Did you love Darkseid vs. Galactus? Have a soft spot for Cyberfrog vs. Creed? Still have your signed copy of Warrior Nun Areala/Avengelyne? Let me know. Thanks for stopping in, and if you haven’t reserved your copy of the MYTHOI Book 1: Birth TPB yet, do so now! Oh, and make sure you cruise on over to entertheletters.com to play our MYTHOI BIRTH game. Great prizes await the winner!  Ill see you all next week!

This been a week full of mystery in the Semantink blogs. What will we watch now that LOST is over? What was the real identity of William Shakespeare? When will the weekend finally get here? With all these mysteries being thrown around, I thought that I should scour the world of comics for the best of the best when it comes to solving tough to answer questions. So, without further ado, lets look at the best detectives in comic books!

1) Batman  (DC)- The creme de la creme of comic detectives. The Batman has mad crime solving skills and mind boggling array of gadgets to augment his keen wit. Batman is meticulous, calculated and methodical, and his utility belt always has ample plastic baggies for evidence. If you need to solve a crime, from “Who burglarized the jewelry store?” to “What killed this New God?” Batman is the man to turn to.

2) Elijah Snow (WILDSTORM)- Elijah Snow has been solving mysteries for over one hundred years, so you have to imagine that he is pretty good at it by now. Specializing in the most obscure and whispered of mysteries, Snow has found hidden jungle cities, Hong kKong soul engines, and alternate universes, just out of curiosity. And if that isn’t enough for you, he was trained by none other than Sherlock Holmes.

3) Vic Sage (DC)- While the excellent Mr. Sage is now deceased, this detective didn’t just look to solve crimes, he sought answers to philosophical questions as well. Who else could figure out who shot JR and what is the meaning of life in the same afternoon?

4) Jamie Madrox (MARVEL)- What the multiple man lacks in deductive reasoning, he more than makes up for in personnel. Madrox’s ability to make an unlimited number of duplicates that he shares knowledge with means that he can comb a whole city for clues faster than anyone else could.

5) Sam Noir (IMAGE)- A detective and a ronin samurai, Sam is the complete package. His crime solving abilities are second only to his sword handling skills. And he has cool hair.

6) Simon Archard (CROSSGEN)- This Sherlock Holmes look-alike is a master sleuth with an eidetic (photographic) memory that serves him quite well in his detecting. If that isn’t enough for you, he is constantly able to evade attempts on his life by The Consortium of Aggrieved Man Servants without losing his cool.

7) Tony Chu (IMAGE)- Mr. Chu is cibopathic, which means he picks up mental images from whatever he eats (except for beets). Tony has used this ability to great effect when it comes to hunting down wrongdoers or finding the whereabouts of missing people.

Bigby Wolf (VERTIGO)- This wolfman knows his stuff. He actually tasted each fable in Fabletown to see if they were a spy, and has a keen ability to smell liars. Add to that several thousand years of life experience and you have the makings of a great detective.

9) Michael “Desolation” Jones (WILDSTORM)- Anyone who is able to solve the case of Adolf Hitler’s missing sex tapes deserves a spot on this list. It doesn’t hurt that Jones is ex-MI6 and even government operatives come to him when they need something found.

10) Detective Chimp (DC)- How smart is Bobo the detective chimp? So smart that Batman will hit him up for ideas when he’s stuck. Seriously, they do it in an internet chat room. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up.

That;s it for this week folks. I will be out in Phoenix this weekend with Semantink for the Phoenix Comic Con. If you are going to be in the area, drop me a line! Thanks for stopping in folks, see you next week.

Happy Sunday Folks!

Today I am going to spotlight one of the legends in the mainstream comic book industry: Frank Miller. While his more recent works have been less than stellar (I will touch on that later), there is no denying that he has been a major force in the comic book landscape for the better part of the last three decades as both an artist and a writer.

Frank Miller began his comic book career with a host of fill-in issues for any company that would hire him. His first printed work was back in 1978 with Gold Key Comics’ THE TWILIGHT ZONE #84. Eventually he would end up at Marvel doing fill-in issues and covers, but it wasn’t until he took over as the artist on DAREDEVIL in 1979 that people began to stand up and take notice. When Miller began writing DAREDEVIL as well as illustrating the book, the title became wildly popular, and Miller became a name to watch. While at Marvel, Frank also illustrated (and co-plotted) the hugely successful WOLVERINE mini-series with writer Chris Claremont.

Eventually, Miller would move over to DC where he did his own creator-owned series, the aforementioned RONIN, as well as some of his most famous work on Batman, including THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS and BATMAN: YEAR ONE. In between his bat-opuses, he went back over for one of the greatest DAREDEVIL runs of all time, Born Again, with artist Dave Mazzucchelli (his cohort on YEAR ONE).

Eventually, Miller would split from the big publishers due to creator rights and censorship issues, taking his star to Dark Horse Comics. Once at Dark Horse, Miller launched a slew of new series, including HARD BOILED (with Geoff Darrow, the guy who storyboarded The Matrix), GIVE ME LIBERTY (with Dave Gibbons, the guy who drew WATCHMEN), 300, and, perhaps the work that he is best known for, SIN CITY.

Frank Miller went into the 21st century on a roll, but the latest millennium has not been good for him. Miller returned to DC for a sequel to THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, THE DARK KNIGHT STRIKES AGAIN, which was not well received. Miller also began writing a new Bat-centric series named ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER, which is almost universally thought of to be tripe (despite beautiful Jim Lee artwork). He also Directed a film version of WIll Eisner’s THE SPIRIT, which did not go well for him. On a bright note for Miller, the 00’s did see two of his stories, 300 and SIN CITY made into successful films, both with sequels on the way.

As an artist, Frank Miller has evolved tremendously over his career. When he broke into the business he tried to insert his noir-ish sensibilities into superhero books, but he still had to soften his work to make it fit the mainstream mold. As Miller got more successful, he was able to take more risks, not only with his pencilling style but, his story-telling methods. If you compare early 1980’s Miller to late 1990’s Miller the change in style is obvious. Even looking at early Daredevil art compared to THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, you can see that Miller was constantly allowing his style to evolve. The turning point seemed to really occur first on RONIN, with his line work becoming looser, and the shading and tone work becoming a more active story-telling tool. By the time Miller began SIN CITY, his lines were exceptionally loose, with heavy blacks and negative space playing as the primary visual devices. Miller’s paneling has also become more risque, moving farther away from the traditional multi panel lay-outs, and moving more and more towards telling stories with series’ of single images.

From a writing standpoint, Miller has always had a knack for telling great crime stories. Be it DAREDEVIL, BATMAN or SIN CITY, there is perhaps no one better at making the dirt of a situation evident to the readers. This is not to say that MIller’s non-crime books don’t also stand out. 300, RONIN, and HARD BOILED are all excellent, and very well written. As Frank has gotten older, however, it seems that he has grown less in touch with the gritty situations he once wrote so well. In his prime, Miller’s dialogue was a strength, making conversations pop. In the last decade though, the line he is most famous for is “I’m the Godd@mned Batman”.

On a personal level, I am a huge fan of just about all of Frank Miller’s early mainstream work. Both of his DAREDEVIL runs are spectacular, and his BATMAN work is a beautiful example of how excellent 1980’s comics could be. Several mini-series that I have mentioned throughout this piece, RONIN, WOLVERINE and 300, should be read by anyone who wants to like comics. That being said, I have always preferred Miller’s writing to his artistic style. While some of my favorite stories have come from the ben of Frank Miller, some of my least favorite art has come from his pencil. Some of Miller’s art I love, I can’t imagine THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS looking better unless Neal Adams himself drew the thing, and the same goes for RONIN. While this artwork fits wonderfully with many of his stories, (SIN CITY being a prime example of this) sometimes his loose lines just look sloppy and rushed. I could barely make it through THE DARK KNIGHT STRIKES BACK, and any time I see a variant cover by Miller, I make a little sad noise.

Frank Miller is an integral part of the comic book industry. Without him, creator rights and comic book censorship in comics would not be where they are today. In his prime he was one of the greats, and even if he is fading from his greatest creative years (I’m not saying he is, he could just be in a slump), his older works still hold up beautifully today. If you are trying to get a friend into comics, give them something by Frank MIller . Just make sure it’s not something recent.

Hello again peoples and welcome to another Geek of the week. If you are here for the Gimp Line Art Tutorial well that will be here next week.

Heroes in History is what were talking about today. I thought it has been a while since I found a cool artist to talk about and just as I thought about it I find this guy. I know the internets are magic!

This guy were talking about is named Agan Harahap. Whats so cool about his recent art is that he has taken superheros and put them into old historic photos. I could not find much info about this guy so I cannot give you any back story about him or the pictures. He does however have Deviant art page and a Flickr stream. So until more info is found on this guy we can at least enjoy his art. Click the one you want. Deviant art Profile or Flickr Stream

I think these photos are pretty cool. I hope you liked them as much as I did. I kind of want to do one of my own now. Well that’s it for this weeks Geek. I’m Street Fece and I’m OUT!!!

The image is too big for you scanner? Thats what she said. Now what? Well don’t worry. Gimp can help you. We can scan your drawing in multiple pieces and then stitch them together to make them whole again.

Photoshop has an automated feature that will do this for you automatically. We don’t have Photoshop so we must do it manually. Oh well it jus give you more practice.

Greetings folks!

I hope you are all ready for another installment of Odds and Ends, because I sure am!

ARKHAM ASYLUM 2: A trailer (of sorts) has shown up for the sequel to the baddest bat-game ever. Check it out here!

CHATTING WITH MIKE: ICv2 has a great interview with Dark Horse CEO Mike Richardson, talking about gateway comics, Manga and the overall state of comics. The man is a great interview.

PUTTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER: Vaneta Rogers  from Newsarama.com interviews Tom Broovort about relaunching the Avengers. This one is pretty in depth, covering just about any AVENGERS topic someone could think of. The interview spans two parts, which you can find here and here.

MAKING A LIST, CHECKING IT TWICE: Comics alliance has compiled a list of the their favorite Marvel Holiday Specials as a counterpoint to last week’s DC favorites. There’s a certain beauty to Thanos in a Santa hat.

Well folks, that’s it for today. Thanks for stopping in and have a great week!

In a failing effort to stay aware of what’s “cool” and “hip” in the world today, I will often peruse the internets seeking out lists and articles detailing attention-grabbing trends.  One of the key sites I use to help aim my age-defying quest is Digg.com.  The way Digg works is simple: a user submits an article, video or picture they find on the web.  That item is placed out for the public consumption of other users, voted upon and (if it acquires enough votes) placed on the Top Topic area on the right side of the site.  It’s a great way to find out what people (or at least Diggers) are paying attention to, and it changes often.  You can even break things down by category, which I do.  I most frequently visit the Entertainment>Comics section (automatically veering away from what’s “cool,” and hindering my mission) to see what the most recent hubbub is all about.

The other day I was stalking my ex-girlfriends on Facebook clicking/browsing aimlessly and ran across a most offensive article on Digg that attempted to define twelve superheroes that are “Actually Assholes.”  What I found offensive wasn’t the content per say, but the overall shittiness of the article itself.  The piece, published by PopCrunch (a wannabe and far inferior Cracked.com), claims to reveal the assholish nature of the following “heroes”:  The Punisher, Batman, Guy Gardener, Tony Stark, Hancock, Gambit, Booster Gold, The Comedian, Superman, The Incredible Hulk, The Green Lantern and The Suicide Squad.  Now I agree that some of those characters are, in fact assholes, others have even acted in assholery from time to time, but most of them are definitely not and the article fails to prove its point with poorly written bios and half-cocked accusations.  Forgetting the fact that the article reads like it was written by a “special”-helmet-wearing fun-nazi, the entire thing reeks of somebody who doesn’t know anything about comics writing about it as a trend, not a passion.

So, in an attempt to add some depth to the poorly produced tripe I am going to dive back into the source material and determine whether or not these characters really are assholes.  I’m no English Major, so I’m not claiming to produce any glowing examples of grammar, syntax or diction use, but I do like comics.  I’m not going to get too detailed because any one of these character could warrant a 100 page college thesis in and of themselves, but I’ll try to hit the finer points.  So, without any further adieu:  A Real Analysis of PopCrunch’s list of 12 Superhero Assholes, Which Could Have Been Avoided If The Author Had A Clue In The First Place.

Before we get into the characters themselves, I think it is important to define, “asshole.”  Let’s get crazy and try Dictionary.com: “A stupid, mean, or contemptible person.”  Okay, fair enough.  I know you brilliant minds understand stupid and mean, but for the sake of tenacity, let’s define contemptible:  despicable.

Got it.  I think we’re ready now…

The Punisher

Frank Castle is more often than not considered nucking futs, though to the contrary he “tests so sane it’s scary” (The Punisher Limited Series #1, 1986).  So I am unable to use the insanity plea to keep Frank’s head off of the asshole chopping block.  The PopCrunch article (I think) says he is an asshole because he uses “kidnapping, extortion and murder.”  Well, yeah.  While he is far from stupid, The Punisher has a very serious mean streak, but not towards anyone who didn’t deserve it, and I think it’s a fair assumption to make that most people would find his methods despicable (like Captain America in Civil War who makes the mistake of calling Frank “insane”). Yes, I guess The Punisher is an asshole, but is anyone really surprised?  Good call PopCrunch — that’s like claiming Paris Hilton is an idiot.

Batman

Batman is a vigilante, but that in and of itself does not make him an asshole.  PopCrunch claims, “he would race down a city street in the Batmobile, endangering people’s lives and blowing up cars with errant use of his car’s weaponry and not even batting an eye about it” (I know it hurts to read, but stay with me).  First of all, Batman does not use his car’s weaponry with errant disregard — have you ever read a Batman book?  Nothing he does is errant.  Or, maybe, you don’t know what errant means…  Well let me help.  When Batman uses his weaponry it is never in deviation from his proper course.  Now does he take liberties beyond the law?  Yes.  That’s what makes him a fucking vigilante.  Is he stupid?  Far from it.  Is he mean?  No.  That’s right, no.  Sure, he may bash up bad guys, but that doesn’t make him a mean person.  That makes him good at his job.  Is Batman despicable?  Absolutely not.  As far as Gotham’s concerned he’s a miracle and has saved more lives than Penicillin.  Verdict = Batman is not an asshole.

Guy Gardner

For Guy Gardner I am not going to go through his abusive childhood, nor am I going to reference the time period where Guy was a social worker and then a special ed teacher.  No.  I am simply going to rebuke PopCrunch’s claim on this one.  According to them, Guy is an asshole because he made “a dick-move and challenged Batman to a fistfight, during which Batman basically one-punched him just to shut him up. After that, Guy was all about arguing with his fellow JLI mates until one day he quit due to being ‘belittled’ by Superman” (damn it hurts to read).  Okay, so there was an incident (several actually) where Guy let his personal issues rise to the surface and he made some bad decisions, does that make him an asshole?  Do you know anything about Guy or did you just read the first few paragraphs of his Wikipedia entry?  Let’s see…  Stupid?  Dense maybe, but not stupid.  Mean?  Sometimes, but overall Guy fights for what’s right so I would prefer to describe him as “tightly-wound,” and, “often mislead.”  But I could see the argument going either way.  Dispicable?  Hardly.  The verdict here is up to your interpretation I suppose, but I for one am going to say no, Guy Gardner is not an asshole.  Kind of a dick though…

Tony Stark

I’m going to give PopCrunch the benefit of the doubt here and assume they meant Iron Man, since they did not label Batman as Bruce Wayne.  I may be wrong and it is possible that PopCrunch thinks Tony is a hero sans the suit, but I choose to believe otherwise.  The closest thing to an accusation I can find in my target-article is the following, “What really makes Tony Stark an admirable asshole is the fact that he has continued to roll out products for profit” (let’s just ignore the contradiction between admirable and despicable).  There is no mention of Tony’s drinking or womanizing, just his company’s profit…  Okay then.  Tony is not mean, he is not despicable and he’s the farthest thing from stupid on this list.  Iron Man/Tony Stark = not an asshole.  Perhaps drunken slut is a better label.

Hancock

I’m sure the brilliant minds behind PopCrunch’s list didn’t mean to make this list comic books exclusive, despite the category they chose to place it under on Digg, but let me clear something up for the confused:  Hancock was not a comic book.  It was a movie first and foremost (I choose not to acknowledge the comics released after the film).  PopCrunch’s description of Hancock as an asshole claims, “he always seems to find himself reverting back to the same old self-destructive bad attitude.”  Not true.  Try watching the whole movie, no matter how much it sucked.  Is Hancock an asshole?  Who gives a shit?  It’s a Will Smith movie…

Gambit

“Turning against the X-Men crew and being generally delinquent define the latter part of his career made him a real asshole” — PopCrunch, do you write in another language and use Babelfish to translate from your native tongue?  While I hate your grammar, I agree that Gambit is, in fact, an asshole.  Is he stupid?  Yeah, kind of.  This guy goes back and forth between groups looking for acceptance, love or a way to forget the things he’s done.  Mean?  He has been.  The truth is that Gambit has had so many different versions of himself that I’m no to sure of which one I should be judging.  Despicable?  Sometimes.  The guy was raised a thief and did some pretty silly things for a paycheck…  I would say that an argument could be made defending Gambit from the title “asshole,” but really, who cares?

Booster Gold

The best superheroes are the ones with character arcs that take them from ignorant to self-aware.  Superpowers, in and of themselves, have become insufficient for quality comic book writing.  The reader has grown and requires substantial development in a character that they will invest their time in.  Such is the case with Booster Gold.  Michael Jon Carter (Booster Gold, Booster, Goldstar) was a football star turned nothing when he was busted for throwing games under the guidance of his deadbeat dad — in the 25th century!  Michael worked in a museum and learned about 20th century heroes, then used some of the exhibits to give himself abilities and travel back in time.   Once in the past, Booster used his knowledge of past events (specifically an attack on President Reagan) to gain popularity and earn millions.  But here’s the thing:  Booster had quite an extensive fall from grace including the deaths of those closest to him and the loss of everything he held dear.  Thus the arrogant would-be hero became one of the champions of several series including Infinite Crisis and 52.  Douchebag?  Sure.  Asshole?  I think not.

The Comedian

There is no way for me to defend this one…  The Comedian is a rapist, a murderer and an all-out asshole.  No.  I take that back.  He’s the asshole superhero.  The Comedian is an asshole that shits out other assholes.  All assholes bow down and worship him as the almighty asshole and light their farts in his honor.  I do disagree with PopCrunch on one point…  “What makes the Comedian borderline evil is his willingness to murder anyone he wants with no remorse.”  Yeah.  I’d say that “murdering anyone without remorse” makes one slightly more than “borderline” evil.  Oh PopCrunch, I bet you guys voted for Bush, huh?  I’m not judging — I can just tell…

Superman

Let me start my defense of Superman with a hearty “fuck you” to anyone claiming he’s an asshole.  This is the Superhero.  I’m not even a big Superman fan, but I would never try to defend the position taken by PopCrunch and the inept writer of the article in question.  Stupid?  No.  Mean?  Not in the slightest.  Despicable?  Please.  So why did PopCrunch call the single greatest icon of comics such a derogatory anus?  Well, first they noted that he can only be killed by a rare rock from his planet (I guess invulnerability makes you an asshole).  Then they threw out this little nugget of how-not-to-write, “Additionally, Superman has some other issues – split personality, girl problems, and lets not forget about the fact that he’s an alien. Superman is not incredibly helpful in society.”  Wow.  Just — wow.  Has Superman had issues?  Yes.  That tends to happen in the DCU.  But claiming assholery for being an alien?  Xenophobia much?  And he’s not “incredibly helpful in society?”  You’re an idiot.

The Incredible Hulk

Calling the Incredible Hulk and asshole is like calling a 12 year old with cerebral palsy “lazy” for not doing jump-n-jacks with the rest of the PE class.  “He gets himself into ridiculous predicaments and causes a great deal of grief to the public, mainly through unnecessary destruction of property.”  I’m sorry, but the guy just wants to be left alone!  I will not call the Hulk an asshole because 9 times out of 10 he is a reaction to something — never the instigator.  The Hulk is not mean, just stressed out!  The Hulk was kind of stupid, so I could see a great case being made there, although of late he seems more than capable (Planet Hulk anyone?).  And I could see some people calling him despicable but I would disagree.  I think he’s a sad case of misunderstanding.  Stan Lee said it best, “I combined Jekyll and Hyde with Frankenstein,” he explains, “and I got myself the monster I wanted, who was really good, but nobody knew it. He was also somebody who could change from a normal man into a monster, and lo, a legend was born. I had always loved the old movie Frankenstein. And it seemed to me that the monster, played by Boris Karloff, wasn’t really a bad guy. He was the good guy. He didn’t want to hurt anybody. It’s just those idiots with torches kept running up and down the mountains, chasing him and getting him angry. And I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be fun to create a monster and make him the good guy?’”

The Green Lantern

I know what you’re thinking, “Didn’t we already cover this with Guy Gardner?”  Well, yes.  But the uncontainable genius at PopCrunch either forgot that Guy was the Green Lantern, or perhaps they mean to infer that all Green Lanterns are assholes?  I don’t really know.  But in the description on their site they reference only Hal Jordan, so let’s just play with that, shall we?  This will be quick…  Hal Jordan as Parallax is the example PopCrunch uses to make “Green Lantern” out to be an asshole.  Parallax is not Hal Jordan.  Parallax is a villain and more often than not, he acts like an asshole.  Hal Jordan is not an asshole.  PopCrunch, please never reveal your lack of knowledge again by refraining from ever writing another comic blog.  Please.  It hurts.  Please…

The Suicide Squad

In its original incarnation, the Suicide Squad was a group of non-superpowered heroes who fought powerful villains, putting their lives on the line for our county.  What jerks, right?  Later, as the series evolved, the group rotated villains who went on “suicide missions” in exchange for early release from prison, ala Dirty Dozen.  It is this concept that is attacked by PopCrunch, “If they were truly superheroes, and not assholes, they wouldn’t accept bribes in exchange for dirty work.”  Once again PopCrunch, you have confused the good guys with the bad guys.  And calling the opportunity for early release a “bribe” shows a serious level of confusion on your part that has not been unclear during your entire article.  To be crystal:  Typically villains = assholes.  It kind of works that way…

That’s it.  Those are the twelve “assholes” from PopCrunch.  The point of this article was not to berate PopCrunch, but to enlighten them.  Comic books are vast and layered, and if you’re going to write about them, try to know what the fuck your talking about.  In life, as a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t speak of things you nothing about — it’s better to listen at those moments.  For example, you obviously know very little about comics which means you should read more, then write about the characters therein.  And I know quite a bit about being an asshole, making this article perfectly suited for me.

Get it?

Mr. Wolff

PS: If you haven’t checked out the free issue of MYTHOI from James and Jed, you’re missing out.  Click here to check it out now (did I mention it is FREE?)!

Want to read more?  Head over to Semantink for other blogs, writers and good times…

Happy Sunday Folks!

On Wednesday I threw down some cheaply priced hardcover and over-sized books you could find on the cheap. Sometimes though, you don’t need a whole bookshelf full of huge GNs, sometimes just a softcover will do. Today lets talk about some softcover bargains that will help round out your bookshelf nicely:

SHADE THE CHANGING MAN: Probably the best work that Milligan and Bachalo have ever produced. Both of these creators can be very hit or miss, but they were on fire in this early Vertigo series. The cover price says $18, but instocktrades says this gem can be yours for only $11 and change.

BATMAN: YEAR ONE: One of the most defining Batman works ever written. This collects the Frank Miller/ Dave Mazzucchelli version of the birth of Batman, and is is just flat out awesome. the cover price for this bad boy usually will run you $15, but Amazon has got it for just over #10.

CIVIL WAR: One of my favorite Marvel comics events, this book usually costs $25 just for the softcover, but you can get it much cheaper (only $16.50) from

PREACHER Vol#1: One of the greatest comics of all time, if you are into vampires, secret organizations, religion, and men who do dirty things to big statues made of meat. Volume number one is a great place to start, and while this beauty will cost you $15 bucks at the LCS, its just under $8 over at instocktrades.

IRREDEEMABLE Vol #1: Mark Waid’s new series over at BOOM! is lights out. Solid art and a great story about a super-man type who goes rogue make this one a must read. The first volume gives you just enough to make you want volume two. This baby starts off cheap at only $10, but  you can get it for $7.50 from the discount comic book service.

That’s about it for today, thanks for stopping by folks, and have a great Sunday. See you tomorrow!

In case you didn’t know, Halloween is around the corner.  Companies everywhere are throwing out darker marketing designs, pumpkin flavored whatevers, or spook-tastic experiences — even blogs are caught up in the costumed madness with every other one highlighting something between “The Worst Joker Costmes Ever” and “100 Best Pumpkin Carvings.”  I’ve racked my enormous and beautiful mind for days trying to figure out exactly what my 2009-Blog-Before-Halloween would be and you know what I figured out?  Nothing.  Most things have been said, done or written almost as good as I could do already.  So, in keeping with the popular-costume model, while rubbing shoulders with the comics and/or pop culture design of this site I present to you a little nugget on one of the greatest villains of all time: Catwoman.

Yes, please.

The great Bob Kane and one of his cohorts, Bill Finger, created the whip-bearing cat-burglar in Spring of 1940 as an antithesis for Batman, though at that time she was known only as The Cat.  The chemistry between the beautiful putty-tat and the campy man-bat was instant and has endured through time to represent true love on opposite sides of the law.  Catwoman was ranked #11 in IGN’s Top 100 Comic Book Villains Of All Time List as well as #51 on Wizard magazine’s “100 Greatest Villains of All Time” list.

I could go into the mysterious amnesia/flight attendant/prostitute/abused history of Catwoman, but that wouldn’t be much of a rant now, would it?  So instead, I’m going to focus on two things here: First and foremost I would like to address the unfounded and hopeful rumors that Catwoman will be a player in the next installment of Nolan’s Batman series.  Second, I hope to give some advice to the would-be pussycat theives creating a costume for a party in the upcoming weekend.

Catwoman = sexuality.  There is no way to get around that fact.  If Catwoman isn’t hot then she’s not Catwoman.  Now, in the Adam West TV series, Catwoman was played by three lovely ladies:  Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, and Eartha Kitt.  Each of them bringing a little something special to the role but all of them making pants tight for the male demographic.  I know that there is more to the woman than a pair of gigantic, enormous and well proportioned high heels; she is also very smart, physically in tip-top shape and damaged goods to the FUBAR degree.  That’s right, if you’re going to play her right you better be mentally unstable and all flavors of crazy because the Catwoman we all love is nowhere near normal.

Julie

Lee

Eartha

Let’s do a quick comparison, shall we?  Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry?  If you said Halle Berry then you should go watch Monsters Ball until you masturbate to death.  For those of us with taste who said Pfeiffer, let’s find out why…  Catwoman the movie sucked, but I’m going to attempt comparing only the characters so bear with me.  Pfeiffer was absolutely bat-shit (pun intended) out of her mind.  She loved Bruce Wayne, she lusted for Batman, she wore a fantastically redesigned vinyl costume and seemed to know she was nuts.  Berry wasn’t even Selina Kyle (tsk-tsk), thought she was cool, not crazy, and had absolutely no interaction with Batman whatsoever.  Okay, so maybe I can’t do a fair character-to-character comparison without the movies getting involved, but hopefully you picked something out of that metaphorical mess.  The point is this: To be Catwoman you have to be more than sexy, you have to be nuts.  That’s it.  Don’t try to be sexy like Halle Berry is sexy (and for the record, she is sexy), but sexy like Rose Mcgowan is sexy — the kind of sexy that you would never ever hang out with, the kind of sexy that makes you nervous and the kind of sexy that would burn down and Abercrombie and Fitch store out of sheer boredom.

Who do I think should be Catwoman if Nolan uses her?  For years I’ve been in the Jolie camp, but that’s the problem: it’s been years.  Angelina is getting older and while I still wouldn’t kick her out of bed, I’m not sure she has quite the required sexiness to pull off Catwoman.  Though, I’ll be the first to admit she’s got crazy down…

I saw this in Tijuana…

I’ve been hearing rumors that Megan Fox wants a piece of this action as well.  My response?  No f*cking way.  You have to be a lot more than beautiful to play Catwoman with any sort of chutzpah — you have to be an actress.  Megan Fox is not an actress.  She’s played Shia’s girlfriend and a boy-eating demon, which is kind of the same thing anyways…  Megan would make a great piece of art because art doesn’t talk, move, make sounds or change.  From what I can tell (here, here, and here) Megan Fox is a lucky piece of gutter trash with a pretty face who happened to be in the right place at the right time.  She also has nice legs.  And boobs.  And butt.

Model? Maybe. Actress? HAHAHA…

So what we need is an actress who can act, play crazy, be hot, and show proper respect to one of the greatest female characters ever created.  How about these?

I know she’s already Black Widow, but would it suck to see here it tight black outfits twice?

Hey look! She aleaready has the outfit!

Give her a whip and leave us alone…

Or poison Ivy…

If she laid there for the whole movie dressed in black, it would be fine.

Now for the second (and more pertinent) order of business:  Dressing up like Catwoman this year.  If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written on this site then you know how I feel about cosplay, but as a refresher here is my motto:  If you can then do, if you can not then don’t try.  So here are three simple rules to keep your disguise from suck:

1.  If you don’t look like Selina Kyle you won’t look like Catwoman. I’m sorry to those of you with more body than an F-150 but you need to hear this from someone: Catwoman isn’t fat.  If you weigh anything starting with the number two or higher then you shouldn’t be doing this.  Instead, why don’t you go out dressed as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, then we all win.

Don’t make this real…

Better for chub-chubs.

2. Be Catwoman, not a cat. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen.  Some slutty sorostitute throws on a kitty costume with less matrial than her lingerie and walks around with a whip calling herself “Catwoman.”  No.  Catwoman is not a slut — we wish she was, but she’s not.  Be sexy, not stupid.

Cat. Woman. Lame.

Catwoman. Awesome.

3. Play the f*cking part! You’ve got the body, you’ve got the outfit, now act like it godammit!  Be nutty, say things that make the room go quiet!  Scratch girls’ boyfriends!  Bend over for no reason at all and by the end of the night steal something!  You’re f*cking Catwoman!

Freaky = Magnificent.

That’s it kids.  Have fun this weekend.  Don’t be safe and above all get some “treats.”  And as a final guideline for you Catwomen out there, if some stupid b*tch gets up in your face ’cause your in character and she’s a hoe, SLAP HER!  Catwoman is many things but one thing she’s not is a pussy.

Mr. Wolff

Happy Sunday all!

With Halloween just a week away, I thought I would keep my blogs centered around the upcoming Holiday, so today’s Spotlight will focus on a character that’s always popular around this time of year: Batman. Now, I could spotlight the Bat all by himself (heck, one day I might), but a mini-series named THE LONG HALLOWEEN just seemed ripe for the spotlight given the time of year.

BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN (BTLH) was a 13 part mini-series put out by DC comics in 1996 and 1997, written by Jeph Loeb, with art by Tim Sale. The story was the second time the creative team had worked together on Batman, the first being a three issue mini-series titled BATMAN: HAUNTED KNIGHT, a Batman version of A CHRISTMAS CAROL. BTLH lead to a sequel mini-series titled BATMAN: DARK VICTORY, and was credited as a source of material for the script to the most recent Batman movie, “The Dark Knight”.

THE LONG HALLOWEEN focuses on Batman early on his crime fighting career. In terms of continuity, the story picks up shortly after the BATMAN: YEAR ONE storyline, written about ten years earlier. The story is broken up into 13 chapters, with each chapter taking place on a different holiday. Both the first and last chapters take place (as you might have guessed) on Halloween.

THE LONG HALLOWEEN is first and foremost a murder mystery. In each issue Batman confronts a threat from his rogues gallery as well as trying to solve the mystery of the Holiday Killer before he/she can strike again. The series also depicts the transformation of Harvey Dent from Gotham City District Attorney into Scarred criminal.

The Gotham city depicted in BTLH is still mostly run by the mob, not by super-villains. When the series begins, the Falcone family is perceived by Batman as the largest threat to the city. A large subplot throughout the story is the decline of organized crime in Gotham, and the rise of super-crime.

Like any murder mystery, there are a plethora of suspects that might be the Holiday Killer. The killer uses a light weight gun with a baby-bottle nipple as a silencer and the serial number filed off of the gun. The killer leaves the murder weapon and a Holiday themed souvenir at each crime scene. The light weight gun leaves doubt as to the killer’s gender, and the killer’s targets point would be detectives in a number of directions.The only constant in the murders is that they are all mob related.

Jeph Loeb writes a Batman that is still learning on the job. The Batman seen in THE LONG HALLOWEEN is still unsure of who to trust, and unsure of himself. Loeb also puts a lot of work into flushing out the dynamic between a young Bats, Jim Gordon, and Harvey Dent, showing each man’s approach to fighting crime. Each super villain is also given a rather unique voice, with The Mad Hatter spewing lines from “Alice in Wonderland” and the Scarecrow crooning lullabies to himself.

Tim Sale gives the book a moody, noir-ish feel with the art, using a heavy dose of blacks and grays. Sale also uses panel size to effectively pace the story. Sale gives each character a very distinct look, from very composed gangsters to crazy clowns.

THE LONG HALLOWEEN is as good a Batman story as I have read. Whenever I go back and re-read this story, I still enjoy the rich characterization and even though I know what the end result is, still find myself looking for clues as I read along. As great as the story is, the art is what really sings for me. Tim Sale does a brilliant job, not just as an artist, but as a storyteller, an art that is lost on a great many artists. Sale controls how long you spend on a page, and he makes each page worth it.

Now, BTLH is not without it’s share of detractors. Jeph Loeb has often been criticized for writing stories that rely too much on great art, and the appearance of a large cast of characters to make up for a weak story, with THE LONG HALLOWEEN being shown as an example. Another common critique of the book is that the killer’s identity was an afterthought to the story, made up at the last minute. Sale’s artwork has also been criticized, as some feel that his work relies to heavily on inks, and that his characters, especially his women, are over-muscled.

If you are looking for a good, self-contained Batman story, or a good graphic murder mystery, THE LONG HALLOWEEN is for you. If you hate murder mysteries, or think Batman is a tool, you might want to stick with something else.

Thanks for stopping in folks, see you tomorrow!

Greetings all!

As Mr. Wolff so eloquently pointed out yesterday, Halloween is fast approaching. The time for dressing up and garnering free candy for yourself is indeed at hand. Everybody loves free candy right?

With that in mind, I have a special Halloween-themed list for today. Now, you could make a case that in super-hero comics, everyday is Halloween, but there have been special occasions throughout the years where these characters have decided that the usual spandex just isn’t enough, and another costume must be donned. Today’s list is ten super-people who have had their own, special, Halloween parties. Let the fun begin!

1) Batman dresses up as Dracula: This one makes a whole lot of sense. Batman dresses up like a bat, Dracula turns into a bat. Ok, so there was a story behind this, but it was as simple as “Batman gets bit by a vampire, and gets exrta creepy”. Presto! Sparkle magic Batman!

2) The Punisher dresses up as Boo-Berry (?): Ok, Frank might not have dressed up like the weird ghost thing that hocks cereal, but he wasn’t far off. At one point The Punisher dies, only to come back as a ghost hunting ghost. Like a sell-out Ghostbuster. Boo to you Frank.

3) The Marvel universe dresses up as Zombies: Zombies are hot right now, so why not have a comic where everyone is a zombie? This is why Marvel sells more books than anyone.

4) The Thing dresses up as a pirate: What would you do if you were made of rock and wanted to fit in? Would you go back in time, don a fake beard and play pirate? If you were The Thing you would. Strong work Benjy!

5) The X-men dress up as aliens: So the X-men didn’t dress up as aliens so much as get infected and turn into aliens, but you get the drift. Work with me here.

6) Spider-man dresses up as a Transformer (several times!): Spidey has a serious Transformer fetish. Every few years, he decides to try out a new robo-costume, each one as more suck-tacular then the last.

7) Kang dresses up as a pharaoh: The dapper gent with the blue face is Kang, a man from the future with an invisible chair. What does Kang do with his vast technological superiority, time travel skills, and nifty costume? He dresses up like a Pharaoh, goes back to ancient Egypt, and hopes that no one notices he is the only white guy for miles around. Oh Kang, you silly beotch.

Superman dresses up as a communist: In an Elseworlds special called RED SON, Superman lands in communist Russia instead of America. The big difference between worlds? Superman wears drab clothing. And probably has to share his super-powers with everyone.

9) Speedball dresses up like an S&M creeper: For those that don’t know who Speedball is, he’s the rather silly looking man with the bubble trail. Well, a while back, Speedball felt rather contrite about some shenanigans he had gotten into and decided that the best way to pay for his sins was to dress up like a human pin cushion. Good choice Speedy!

10) Power Man dresses up like a Pretty, Pretty, Princess: Luke Cage. The baddest bad man on the streets. Superfly wishes he were this cool. Shaft dreams of being Power Man. Sho Nuff (The shogun of Harlem) has nightmares about getting his @$$ kicked somethin’ fierce by the Hero for Hire. But no one can explain why this man wore a tiara, bracelets and and flowing shirt for over a decade.

That’s it for today folks, thanks for stopping in and have a great weekend!