A few things have developed in the wide world of comics that I feel have fallen through the cracks like sweat beads on a fat woman — I’m here to divulge an opinion on such topics.

I hope you sweaty slobs had a good time at San Diego Comic Con last weekend.  It seems that Benjamin found himself staring into the diamond mines of a certain White Queen and for that reason alone, I wish I was there.  Save the gloriously revealed breasts and asses that abound in perfect curvature and a few little nuggets of news I have to admit that I’m not too jealous of missing out.  SDCC is, like an old man on blue pills, getting too damned big.

Guaranteed to make you hard as a diamond.

You may have heard that Mark Ruffalo and Joss Whedon have jumped onboard the Avengers movie as Bruce Banner and Director respectively.  I’ve gotten a few emails asking me my thoughts on this announcement and here it is: F*ck yes.  Something about Norton has never vibed with me — I think it’s his voice, he sounds like one of those guys who enjoys being right a bit too much.  Ruffalo on the other hand has always been a pleasure to watch on screen but still hasn’t quite cracked into the “A-list” status — hopefully this does it for him.  As far as Whedon is concerned: If you have any doubts about him as an artist you either (a) haven’t seen his writing/directing or (b) where a helmet with a tendency to drool on yourself.

Anything with this is good.

Dexter is coming back for season five — surprise?  Not really.  Season 4 ended with a bang bigger than Rosie O’Donnel’s prom night and buzz has abounded ever since.  If you haven’t already caught up with seasons 1–4 in preparation for this magnificence, sham on you.  I hope your genitals fall out and you cower in shame for your television-transgression for the rest of your days.  Hopefully [SPOILER] we see Ms. (fun-to-watch-her) Benz a bit despite her demise because Dexter’s sister can’t hold the show’s “hot” on her 45 pound shoulders…

Whoever took this off the show should be Dexter’s next victim.

In Bat-related news: a day or so before SDCC it was announced that the Riddler IS in fact the new villain for Nolan’s upcoming trilogy capper.  Several people have thrown Joseph Gordan-Levitt’s name out as a potential candidate and whilst I think he could pull it off, I’m still rooting for Mr. Jonathan Rhys Meyers to don the enigmatic role.  Even more interesting is this interview with Aaron Eckhart at SDCC where he says he WOULD come back as Two-Face if Nolan asked him to.  Another interesting tidbit is this interview where ex-Nolanite Robin Williams declared that he would work with Nolan in anything at all — Ventriloquist anyone?  No matter who plays what I think we can all rest assured that Batman’s third date with Nolan will be the sweet, sweet love-fest we’ve been waiting for (knock on wood), right?

Before I go, I’d like to mention a not-so-clever poke at Comic Con fans by none other than the proof that accidents happen, the incredibly unfunny, Carlos Mencia George Lopez.  I’ve had a few people ask me to defend our geekdom.  While it’s no secret that I have my own problems with cosplay gone wrong, something about Mr. Lopez’s Comic-Con Captions segment irked me.  Most of the jokes were particularly unclever and revolved around the typical comic books nerd’s virginity — maybe that’s what bothered me: the lack of actual, clever humor.  I’ve never seen Lopez Tonight.  To be honest, when I heard about it I thought it was a joke (it’s on TBS, right?).  I’m not sure if the Comic-Con thing was a fluke or something — maybe he’s funny most of the time.  But after looking him up and realizing that he was in Marmaduke, The Spy Next Door, Beverly Hills Chihuhua and the upcoming Smurfs, I actually felt bad for the guy.  Don’t waste your time with anger nerds.  We may have given George Lopez a failed opportunity at humor one night, but he’s been giving us humorous moments of failure for his entire career.

Mr. Wolff

PS: Go buy MYTHOI you silly twat.  Here.  Or here.

We arrived at Ben’s brother’s place, who had been kind enough to offer up his couch for our resting, but upon arrival we realized that there were cats present, two of them.  As Ben and I both suffer from a disease called allergies that usually ends with us killing cats, we thanked his brother and found accommodations elsewhere — at 12:30am.  Most places were booked for either APE or the Treasure Island Music Festival and if they weren’t booked, the price was a mere $250.00 per night and nobody had rooms for both that night and Saturday night, just one or the other.  So right about the time we began discussing the legitimacy of sleeping in Ben’s car right outside of the Concourse (where APE is held) we got a hold of the greatest man in San Francisco: Gandhi.  Not that Gandhi.  Our Gandhi is the late-night concierge at a hotel without a name in an alley behind a bar in the Mission District.  And bless Gandhi for all time because he got us a room for both nights, under $100.00 per night, free valet and only 2 blocks from the Concourse.

SF Concourse: where red paint goes to die.

The only other thing we did that night warranting any recognition was to make a brief appearance at the ISOTOPE party (thanks Amir Malekpour) featuring Dean Haspiel, (THE QUITTER, OPPOSABLE THUMBS, AMERICAN SPLENDOR, and THE ALCOHOLIC).  Ben and I both agree that it is one of the coolest comic book shops we have ever seen and if you are ever in the San Francisco area, stop in and say hi to James Sime, the super-friendly owner.  The whole thing is 1-part comic book store, 1-part nightclub, and 1-part design — just go, trust me.

Isotope: The Geek’s Nightclub

Ben and I awoke on Saturday, trudged down to a coffee shop and made our way towards APE.  And what did we think?  It was awesome.  If San Diego Comic Con is meant to blow your mind with all the million-dollar bells and whistles, and Long Beach Comic Con is designed for the more intimate encounters with industry professionals, then APE is a secret fort where only fans congregate to go over their own good ideas and opinions on art, writing and everything mainstream.  Sure, people are there trying to sell their product, but at APE you can talk to them and find out why…  Writers grill each other on the presentation of information and misinformation, Artists trade work with each other and discuss their inspirations, while Publishers peruse through the aisles, taking it all in and maybe picking up some new talent…  It’s very neat — like the Swap Meet of Comic Cons.

APE from entrance: Left

APE from entrance: Center

APE from entrance: Right

Obviously, since it’s cheaper than some of the other cons, there are a lot of people presenting who, well, maybe shouldn’t.  But what’s great about APE is that they can!  One man’s Koontz is another man’s King!  Right?

Well Ben and I went through every single booth, one at a time, over five or six hours and met some great people, many of whom you will probably hear us mention in the future… or now.  Like John C. Narcomey Jr. from High Tower Comics, or Russ Kazmierczak Jr. and Brent Otey from K.O. Comix.  All good people, with good products, so check ‘em out when you get a chance…

High Tower makes death pretty.

Check out the blog — Nice guys!

After the convention Ben and I went back to the hotel, vegged out with some Dexter episodes and cleaned up before jumping into our favorite out-of-town-convention activity:  Drinking.  Luckily, the bar next to our hotel was fantastic:  Bloodhound.  This bar was perfect for us.  Good beer?  Check (and served in mason jars).  Nice people?  Yup.  Environment?  Got that too.  We moseyed down, caught the end of the Angels/Yankees game (and sighed when the Yankees won — damn them), had a few beers and talked to some, uh, interesting (?) people.  Then it was time for sleeps.

Drinks, Games and Entertainment!

We’re not going to APE today.  Instead we’re going to head home.  APE is a doable-in-one-day kind of event as it doesn’t have much change from one day to the next and is more for floor-walking than anything else.

We had fun and we’ll definitely be back next year…

James Ninness