Sgt. Angle reporting for duty!

Looking at the fantastic cover for the Mythoi Book One: Birth book that is due out later this year, written by James Ninnes (buy it here!), I noticed a beautiful creature that deserves to have a film made about it.

Then, just the other day, I was off-duty from a grueling set of rounds, and I therefore had more than a brief moment of time to peruse the cable channels for something fantastic to stimulate my visual senses. Thus I came across the SyFy channel (no relation to syphilis), and the wondrous plethora of low-budget “monster” movies that are upcoming and/or already screening, and I thought, how is it that these movies can get made, and I can’t get promoted above Sgt. in my ranks?

Folks, the movie and television industries are truly magnificent creatures in their own rights, because you can work for years to earn that million-dollar paycheck for a silly idea that is high-concept (Get Him to the Greek), or make just a few thousand dollars for another high-concept story that is sold to a cable channel (Attack of the Sabretooth). But really, which is more fun: drunk Russell Brand or a sabretooth f**king tiger?!

But there’s more than meets the eye happening at SyFy over the next year or two. Below is a look at some of their original movies, the B-grade and the (possible) A-grade, as well as a glimpse of their series development, and an interesting-only-after-you-think-about-its’-long-term-potential idea.

WYVERN: “When global warming unearths an ancient dragon, a small Alaskan town will be destroyed, unless Hell freezes over in time.” (That is the actual tagline from the website.)

MEGA PIRANHA: “When a science experiment goes horribly wrong, gigantic fish gain appetites for human flesh.” And air-cycling, it seems:

DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATER: “Two giant creatures terrorize tourists on the Big Island.” (The doctor’s breasts — real or fake?)

In an interview at shocktillyoudrop.com in February of this year, EVP of Programming Thomas Vitale explained that monster and creature movies are a specified genre of film that, for decades, have been around on Saturday nights to thrill, scare, and cause uncomfortable laughter in audiences across the US and beyond. Because of filmmakers like Roger Corman (I’ll shine a spotlight on that genius in a few short weeks), who always want to take a chance on a different story if there’s any way to turn a profit, the SyFy channel has been able to re-brand itself to be the mainstay for the return of Saturday Night Movies to bring its’ status above and beyond the typical science fiction flare (AKA Star Trek, Stargate, and gold-star show Battlestar Galactica).

Another upcoming project on SyFy’s plate is to take classic fairy tales and give them a “contemporary twist”. For example, the descendant of Little Red Riding Hood discovers that her family secretly hunts werewolves; Hansel returns to the woods after many years to seek revenge. These movies already began in February with Beauty and the Beast (see the trailer below).

You’ve got to give SyFy credit for twisting itself in some interesting ways — movies made as international co-productions for $2 million, gaining an audience of 2 million each premier, and re-inventing classic stories despite low-budgets). The channel is taking free risks with familiar material to reign in an audience beyond their typical viewers, and is doing so in such a way to target a very niche market with each new film experience. The network’s Ghost Hunters series was just picked up for another season, “Eureka” maintains credibility as a family-friendly science fiction based show about a small town where everyone’s a genius, and you can always catch a “Twilight Zone” rerun if you’re a night owl.

Finally, the good folks at the SyFy network are teaming IGN to bring cheesy monster-movie filmmaking to you, the viewer. Over the next 15 months, viewers will vote on every aspect of production — from the concept to the wardrobe, to the dialogue and arbitrary character deaths. Enjoy being a stay-at-home producer.

SyFy, despite your bizarre rendering of your own channel name, I salute you, and look forward to watching Malibu Shark Attack soon.…

Dismissed!

Sgt. Angle