So first off I wanted to say sorry no post last week. I am putting together a nice tutorial for all you aspiring comic artists. I decided that I should spend a little more time on it to make it better. So in the meantime lets just get on with another Geek Of The Week.

So starting off if you write blogs I recommend you save often and write your blog in something like Microsoft word that is offline so you won’t experience the web hickup I just encountered where my entire post was deleted as I went to publish. All I can tell you now is that the messed up post was probably the best post you were ever going to read. Now you will just have to settle for this crap.

Crappy inventors make crappy inventions. Crappy inventors remind me of people that go around and try to act funny when they really are not at all. Actually crazy inventors are a lot worse sometimes because while a joke can suck but if an invention sucks it could kill you. I will now attempt to recapture what was lost.

1. Phone Fingers

WTF? Yes invented for people that love their touch screen devices but not enough to buy an actual on device cover. Instead you buy these so your hard hands don’t scratch or oily fingers don’t smudge. I really don’t know what is the difference between these and Finger Cots. I prefer to just use a condom and stretch it over my entire hand for proper screen protection. If I’m really in a jam then a popped balloon will work. They even have a sizing chart to help you pick the right size. As soon as I found this out I quickly printed it out and passed it around. Below are our results.

Here is their FAQ

Which size do I need?
You can download and print our size chart to see which size fits best. ( lets see if your as big as Semantink )

How do I put them on?
Gently uproll them on your finger without pressure.

Can I use them more than one time?
Phone Fingers are made of very thin durable latex material. By using them gently they would last for a very long time with multiple usage. ( Your lucky it didn’t break the first time and you want to use it again? )

Do Phone Fingers really work?
Of course they do! A touch screen won’t recognize any difference between bare fingers or wearing Phone Fingers. ( Are you sure my phone wont be able to tell if I’m wearing one. It doesn’t feel the same. )

2. Doggy Side Sack

I don’t know what this thing is called so we will just call it the Doggy Side Sack. Seriously there is a major gap between what was acceptable back in the day from today. I’m sure if you rigged your car up with this thing today someone would call the cops on you. Then you would probably be tasered. The Doggy Side Sack was first debuted in Popular Mechanics in 1963.

2. Anti Eating Face Mask

Yup the Anti Eating Face Mask. I think this is related to the Face shackle made of Bumcivillian’s cousin, Iron. This is an actual patent. A lady is the inventor of this device and her name is being withheld. I don’t how this thing is supposed to keep you from eating. I mean you can just take it off. Why not just wear a bag over your head or a motorcycle helmet. I’m sure either one of these would attain the same results. I think this thing looks like a S&M Device myself.

3. Shoe Fitting Device

Hmm Shoe Fitting Device sounds like a good idea. I think so to. You may have even used a shoe fitting device before as well. That being said you never used one of these. This one used X-rays to see through the shoe in order to tell if you were getting a good fit. Pretty cool just stick your foot in that hole turn it on and wallah the shoe fits and your sex organs don’t work anymore. Yes they didn’t know about the harmful effects of repeated use X-rays on the human body. I’m sure it was pretty cool though to see your bones.

4. Smile Monitor

Only in Japan would you find something like this. A railway company is now subjecting their employees to this smile detector machine. Before their employees can work the must first have their smiles analyzed. The program will rate their smile and when they have achieved a 100% a photo is taken, printed out, and handed to the employee to carry around so they can be reminded how to smile with a 100%.

5. Fire Box Prank Detector

So I don’t know how this is supposed to help anyone. I guess that back in the day before we all sat in front of screens and drooled we actually used to run around outside. Yeah crazy idea. It must have been boring though because pulling fire alarms was the funnest thing they could do. So the Fire Box Prank detector was created. You pull this fire alarm and a lock slide over your wrist and keep you there until the Fire Dept. can unlock you. But wait say it is a real emergency. Well then society thanks you for doing your part and will hold a moment of silence to honer your death before they get back to debating witchcraft science being taught in schools.

6. Pedestrian Collision Detection

Wow so if you really need a piece of software to tell you that you have hit a pedestrian then please stop driving. If you hit something when your driving don’t you get out to look and see what it was. Who keeps driving like nothing happened. If this is sounds like you would you even stop when the system said you hit a person or would you just go wow I thought it would feel different to run over someone.

7. Baby Window Cage

Yup the baby window cage. Once again we see how different we have become as a society from years past. I think Micheal Jackson ( is it too soon. Woops too late I’m already writing it ) was the only person that tried to order one of these. You know Micheal was Peter Pan and his kids were the lost boys and they would love to hang out a window to remember when they used to be able to fly around. Who would trust this thing with their kids. If you do know someone that would don’t tell me about it tell CPS.

These last inventions come to you from a show that aired called American Inventor. This show was ran like American Idol. You had a panel of judges and they would travel around the country and have people show off their inventions. These are the best of the worst.

7. Reinventing The Wheel

This guys is certifiably crazy. I was ready for this guy to start killing the judges. At least his invention has a subliminal safety feature built into it.

8. Bullet Ball

This guy created a new game that he thinks is so good they will have it in the Olympics. When you play Bullet Ball you look like two bums trying to scare flies away. This game was most likely created after him and his wife did a Speed Ball. Don’t let this guys sappy speech fool you into thinking he sold all that stuff for Speed I mean Bullet Ball.

9. Pet Petter

Its a busy world out there isn’t it, and it keeps getting busier. Wow I’m sold. The Pet Petter sounds like a device I invented called the Auto-spinner but enough about my inventions. This thing looks like it would kill a pet instead of sooth it. Aww such a good boy! num num num num num. Scary!

Well that wasn’t so bad. Not as good as the one you missed but good enough. Check back next week for some possible download goodies. Until next weeks Geek, I’m Street Fece and I’m OUT!!