Okay, so here’s the deal: I’m a bit pissy at the moment because Benjamin, Ash, Sgt. Angle, Street Fece and James Ninness have all just taken off towards San Francisco in the hopes of some debauchery at WonderCon.  I’m here.  At home.  Wankers.  If you haven’t yet, check out what Semantink is doing for WonderCon Attendees here.

Today we’re gonna look at a few movie adaptations due out this year(ish), five in fact.  The best five.  These five trailers may possibly help to bring many of you fat, lazy bastards back into (this is for you Akatzen) libraries and book stores where you’ll be forced to sit… and read… lazilly. Doing nothing physical at all.  I’ve lost the ability to make a good point.  F*ck me.

Here they are, in order.

5.  The Losers

Any movie that puts The Comedian, Captain America and Neytiri on the same team and has them blowing shit up has to be good.  Throw in the fact that it is based on a book by Andy Diggle and I’m almost guaranteed a good time.

4.  Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

I’m not the biggest Cera fan, but (as Sgt. lucky bastard who’s new and still gets to go to conventions before me ’cause his nose is so far up Ben’s ass when he sneezes Ben gets diarrhea Angle pointed out) Edgar Wright is the man.  If anybody can make me like Michael I-Whine-And-That’s-All Cera, it’s Wright.

3.  Kick Ass

Hit Girl is a ten year old girl who says “cunt” more than the entire cast of Deadwood.  Nic Cage isn’t the hero.  At some point, the kid from Hot Tub Time Machine is in it.  And the best part of all?  Kick Ass was made before the studios got their greasy hands all over it.  Midnight showing for sure.

2.  Iron Man 2

Did you see the first Iron Man?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  For those of you bitches whining over Whiplash: be patient and have faith.

1.  Twilight: Eclipse

Yes.  It’s true.  This is my number one trailer pick.

April Fools you silly bitches!  How dare you even think that was for real!  I’d sooner eat a bag of two day old dicks than watch any of the Twilight shit piles!

For shame…

Since I promised you five GOOD trailers, here’s a bonus and a film that I can’s wait to see.  It’s not an adaptation, but watch the trailer and tell me you give a shit.

Honorable Mention: The Expendables

Until next time,

Mr. Wolff

Happy April, fools.

Back to Semantink